Why I’m voting for Mitt Romney (Parody)

Why I'm voting for Mitt Romney (Parody)“I am INCREDIBLY stupid!!!! Vote Mitt, he’s the shit!”

Mitt Romney is a real American: “… quite franky he looks American”
Mitt Romney does the right thing: ” He had the courage to stand up to a homosexual student by restraining him and cutting off his hair”
Mitt Romney cares about the economy: “As CEO of Bain Capital he invested millions of dollars in outsourcing. This is helping to cleanse the American work force of un-needed jobs.”
Mitt Romney understands the middle class: “As the son of a millionaire and a governor, Mitt Romney had a typical American upbringing. Mitt Romney probably once knew someone who knew someone who knew someone who had to drive a Suburu.”
Mitt Romney supports education: “As the avid supporter of a bill that would cut funding for Pell Grants, Mitt Romney understands the danger of financial aid. Mitt Romney isn’t afraid to fight for the right of our middle-class college students to work two jobs while putting themselves through school and paying for their own health insurance.”
Mitt Romney is smarter than all of us: “Having once taken environmental science in high school, Mitt Romney knows something that thousands of scientists across the planet don’t…. that global warming doesn’t exist.”
Mitt Romney is honest: “He’s always true to himself and he’s not afraid to change his mind.
OWS: “And finally, for all you ‘occupiers’ out there – I bet you did not know that Romney once occupied Wall Street. He had a cousin who had a professor who had a student one time that was Facebook friends with someone who followed a guy on twitter who occupied Wall Street for an hour one time.

And if you’re still not convinced… I can think of five more reasons:

1. Mitt Romney knows what it’s like to feel like a minority. In fact he is only one of politicians who does not release his tax information to the public.
2. Mitt Romeny is strongly opposed to socialism. On the campaign trail he barely socializes with anyone.
3. Mitt Romney is self-made. He once made his bed by himself when his maid was sick.
4. And consider his foreign policy experience. He has multiple bank accounts in Switzerland.
5. Mitt Romney went to Harvard which doesn’t let foreigners in; why do you think Obama never went to Harvard?!?

Samuel Warde
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