An Open Letter To The NRA: I Want To Be On Your Enemy List
Dear Wayne LaPierre and board members of The National Rifle Association,
I hear you have an enemy list. I want to be on this list. I need to be on this list. I’ll be your best friend if you put me on this list. PLEASE???
How do I get on it? What are your criteria? It was up and available for all to see but then you mysteriously took it down. Fortunately Business Insider took a screenshot of the partial list. Plus they listed some celebrities and I have to admit, I am seething with envy.
Many thoughts swim through my head as I read your list, and I want to be on the fast track. Here are my thoughts:
Maybe if I volunteer in a nursing home? Or donate to The American Medical Association?
What if I:
- become a nurse
- become a pediatric nurse or doctor
- become a teacher
- remain ethical
- stand up for civil liberties
- study law and take the bar
- make fun of Ted Nugent on a daily basis
- become Jewish
If ONLY I were JEWISH! I would practically be guaranteed a place on that list. But alas, I am not.
I was raised to be moral and compassionate, isn’t that enough for you? Why is Christie Brinkley on the list and not me? I am 6 feet tall and blonde. That is hardly fair.
If I become a pop singer like Beyoncé, will you add me? She’s on it.
What if I become an Olympic skater like Tara Lipinski, or if I hang pictures of JTT (Jonathan Taylor Thomas) in my room? Or what if I rock out to Copacabana by Barry Manilow or watch Rocky with Sly Stallone another 20 times? These lucky folks made it on. And MEL BROOKS! Mel Brooks is on your enemy list. Is it because he’s funny? Or Jewish? Or both?
In an effort to prove my worthiness, I am including some of what I consider to be great arguments for listing me:
I am a feminist. Rush Limbaugh thinks I’m a slut. I was the spokeswoman for Rock The Slut Vote for the 2012 election season. As spokeswoman, I gave a speech on women’s rights at The Capitol Building last August. I am pro-choice. I voted for Obama. I believe there should be a ban on assault weapons. I think Dick Cheney really IS Darth Vader. I’m a bleeding-heart liberal. I worked with other feminists to get the required signatures for a White House petition to ratify the ERA into the Constitution. I support gun legislation that makes it more difficult for criminals and mentally disturbed people to acquire firearms. I like Barbara Streisand. I think marijuana should be legal and taxed. My publishing company donated to Lawrence O’Donnell’s K.I.N.D. Fund last Christmas. If you ask me, Ashley Judd would make a much better Senator than Mitch McConnell. My mother has written several articles lambasting you and Ted Nugent, so by default, I am the offspring of an avowed enemy of the NRA, although you haven’t included my mother on your list either. Neither of us can figure out why. I can go on but I think you have a clear enough picture of who I am.
Seriously, what do I need to do? I’ll do it!!!!
Kimberley A. Johnson
Update: A reader provided this full list of organizations and celebrities with “anti-gun” policies. See it HERE
Kimberley A. Johnson – A.K.A. The Anti Coulter is the author of The Virgin Diaries and an activist for women’s rights. Like her on Facebook, Twitter or friend her on FB HERE. Check out her campaign to raise money for her next book on Women’s Rights and The Importance Of Voting.