Father Guido Sarducci To Replace Pope Benedict

LU-Pope-SarducciPope Benedict sent shockwaves through the Catholic community and around the world when he announced his retirement. The anti-woman, anti-gay Pope, who looks the other way from molestation and is a former member of the Hitler youth, declared he was tired and old and doesn’t have the strength to promote his hypocritical hatred anymore.

Though his retirement comes as a surprise, his departure is resulting in crocodile tears and faux concern.

The party begins when Father Guido Sarducci replaces him on March 1, 2013. The Vatican will throw a huge party with balloons and French onion dip.

Sarducci claims he wants to be a different kind of Pope—one who promotes tolerance and progressive values. His first priority is to formally bless the gay community in a spectacular service with Ru Paul as the Mistress of Ceremonies and it is rumored that The Village People will reunite for a special appearance.

Sarducci’s second priority is women’s rights and he plans to disperse free birth control for seven days and seven nights in St. Peter’s Square, much to the chagrin of the American Republican Party.

Sarducci tells me he has big plans for the future of the Catholic Church and though he chooses to surprise the world as he unveils his master plan, he hinted that he plans to change the dress code utilizing some of Hollywood’s “most flamboyant” designers.

“The world ain’t seen nothin’ yet,” Sarducci proclaimed as he excused himself and left to set an example as a new version of what he thinks “the Pope should really be about.”

It’s a new era and Sarducci will lead the way.

CAUTION: Humor located above

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