I received the following email from a friend I have known for going on 40 years and wanted to share it with you along with his daughter’s story, in her own words. We all know that this kind of thing is happening from coast to coast and more frequently that anyone cares to admit. We cannot change the world with one article or fundraiser, but if each of us does our part to help in our own corner of the world, collectively we can make a difference. And PROTECTING OUR CHILDREN is our SACRED OBLIGATION.
Sam, You know I don’t do this, ever. This story is about my first grandbaby. It’s true. Will you consider helping us promote this fund raiser? If not, I wont be hurt about it, but if you can, I will be forever in your debt. Thanks brother.
UPDATE: To clarify, Kathryn’s husband lives with the abuser and has joint custody (50/50). She cannot prevent her daughter from being there. This is part of the reason she is raising money for legal fees – she needs to go back to court to attempt to revise the visitation order.
I am Kathryn, a 21 year old stay at home mom to two beautiful children. Lily, my oldest, is a bright, loving 2 1/2 year old who loves everyone, especially her baby brother Rowan who just turned one.
I am blessed to call myself a mother to these endlessly awe-inspiring kids, let alone be able to spend my days enjoying their company and see the world through their unhindered eyes.
Unfortunately, sunshine and roses have been scarce in our home lately.
Things weren’t always as good for me as they are now. All during high school, I was physically and emotionally abused by my sister, who has been in and out of over eight mental hospitals and group homes with psychopathic bipolar disorder. Charges were never pressed against her for the abuse that she inflicted on me, despite medical records, because our mother refused to take the situation seriously and enabled Hope’s destructive behavior. Now Hope lives with my ex in my mother’s house, and while I have never condoned this situation, I also had no legal grounds to fight it because my mom always talked our small town cops down, and there were no police records of my dozens of calls.
A month ago, my sweet Lily began acting out. Hitting, kicking, and biting during tantrums, refusing to eat. Her father, from whom I have been separated for two years, has turned a blind eye to her behavior. I was confused but took it in stride. She’s a toddler, such phases happen, it’s normal. Or so I thought. Then two weeks ago, my eyes were opened. After a weekend with family, I explained to her that she would be staying the night at her dad’s house. “Okay mommy” my daughter replied, “but no auntie.”
I was honestly caught off guard. While I refuse to give the okay to the situation, I would never stoop so low as to place stress on my baby by influencing her against someone.
“Why no auntie?” I asked her. “Don’t you like playing with auntie?”
“No mommy, auntie gives Lily powpows.”
My baby proceeded to punch herself in the stomach repeatedly and began crying hysterically.
After asking her further questions, Lily revealed to me that auntie punches her in the stomach after daddy goes to sleep and tells her if she says anything to anyone, she’ll be in trouble.
Like any parent would do in this situation, I called CPS.
Now, two weeks later, they refuse to acknowledge my daughter’s claims and have removed the protective order on her.
I refuse to accept this answer. As Lily explained to me what auntie did to her, it ripped me back in time to my own abuse. The feeling of guilt, that I deserved this for some reason, were overwhelming. I can’t even imagine my baby feeling this way.
The abuse that Hope inflicted on me was different, sure, she has always been able to flip the switch and play it off later, but her violent outbursts were always in fits of rage. This is different. She is lying in wait for my daughter, the light of my life, my first born, the surprise baby that saved my life and made me the person that I am today, for the sole purpose of causing her pain.
The fear I have for my daughter chills my soul. I can’t stop thinking about Hope playing the victim to the cops when we were teenagers, acting as though she was provoked, as if anyone could “ask for” stitches in their mouth and whiplash. Her hanging her head and “I’m sorry”ing to the cops while she shot unseen glares at me as if to say “You’ll pay for this later”. I did. That unspoken promise was always followed through. I honesty feared for my life when I lived with her, and I was 17. I can’t begin to fathom the fear my daughter lives in.
Hope has no remorse. She is a horrible person who has outwitted those supposed to bring her to justice. She has never had to deal with the consequences of her actions. Even now, I fear my daughter will pay the price for me bringing this to light. Nothing will happen to her while the case is still technically open, Hope is far too smart for that. It’s all some game to her, she feels no remorse, even as she beats this baby in the dark, in the silence, covering her tracks with threats so she won’t be discovered.
I tremble to think what she will do when they aren’t looking anymore.
I beg of you, help me raise money to get a lawyer to protect my baby. I will not rest until this is before a judge. I refuse to allow my child to be one of thousands on the news, with no advocate, no savior, no one to protect her. Please, say “enough” with me.
I refuse to sit back and watch my child join the ranks of dead children that were failed by the system that was made to protect them. The injustice has occurred long enough. Enough of the horrors inflicted on our children. Enough of letting abuse go unchecked. Enough of ignoring the victims on both sides of this by not addressing the mental health issues that ravage our country, that cost countless lives through domestic violence. This is not life enough for Lily. This is not life enough for any child.
The contributions received through this campaign will go directly toward retaining a family law attorney and fighting to get primary residence status for my daughter and pursue a restraining order against Hope. Any extra funds from this campaign will go to getting Lily a play therapist to help us all navigate this difficult time.
Please go here if you want to help: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/lily-s-champion
- Source Links – August 29, 2020
- About Pat Warde: Eulogy Tribute by Eleanor Hughes – April 1, 2019
- Editorial Note – January 15, 2019
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