Does Ted Cruz Have What It Takes To Run Against A Woman In 2016?

Women in politics are often asked inappropriate questions that have nothing to do with their ability to govern. In an effort to achieve gender parity, I have a few questions for the Republican Senator from Texas who may be considering a run in 2016.

Mr. Cruz:

So you want to be President? You have hinted heavily at the idea. As a voter and as an American, I have a few questions for you before I can make up my mind as to whether or not you are fit to run this country.

You will probably be running against Hillary Clinton or Elizabeth Warren. If you are up against either one of these very capable, sane women, you have your work cut out for you. These women know what they are doing. They are savvy, intelligent and know a thing or two about what Americans want and how to cut through the BS.

You, on the other hand, have not sufficiently proven yourself, and you have not undergone the same kind of scrutiny and questioning as these two badass women have.

Let’s begin:

Has your wife Heidi given you permission to run for president? If so, how do you imagine being the president will affect your marriage? Are you confident you will be able to meet all of Heidi’s needs AND run the country?

Will you be getting a nose job before the primaries?

Were you a virgin before you were married? Don’t lie. We’ll know.

Who picks your suits? Who designs your suits? What is your inseam?

Do you plan on slimming down before you launch your official campaign?

Do you dye your hair? You are 44 years-old and your hair is pretty dark. That isn’t very realistic. Who do you think you’re fooling? If you can’t be honest about your hair color, how can you expect the American people to believe a word you say?

Another hair question: It appears you use some sort of grease to style your hair. It looks a bit creepy. Do you believe you will switch hair products in an effort to appear more humanlike? Ever?

The public has noticed you have a high-pitched voice. Americans want their male president to “sound” masculine – even if he isn’t. Will you be taking voice lessons to give us the illusion you are more virile?

Along those lines, have you ever dressed in women’s clothing? If yes, did you like the way it made you feel? And if yes, what, specifically did you wear? Please be detailed in your answer regarding fabrics, colors, etc.

You bear a striking resemblance to lunatic Senator Joe McCarthy. Are you his love child?

If someone were given full access to your personal computer, can you honestly tell us there will be no gay porn in your search history?

Will you be able to keep calm and contain your emotions when a woman polls higher than you?

Do you believe the old rumor that your penis is half the size of your foot? If so, what is your shoe size?

I look forward to your responses. As you may or may not realize, the woman who would be your challenger – if you make it out of the primaries, and that is highly doubtful considering your facial structure and high-pitched voice – has already dealt with this type of curiosity and questioning from conservative outlets and it’s about time male politicians are held to the same standards.

Fair is fair.

Kimberley A. Johnson (BIO) is the author of The Virgin Diaries and an activist for women’s rights. Like her on Facebook, Twitter or follow her on FB HERE.

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