Letter To Conservatives About Ebola – Spoiler: Say Goodbye To Texas

Ebola-Letter

Dear Conservatives,

Since you insist on blowing up the situation with the Ebola virus to mind-numbing proportions, I have graciously created an action plan for you.

Surely you’ve heard about Thomas Eric Duncan by now. You know, the dude who became the first Ebola patient diagnosed in the USA. He had been visiting his family in Dallas and was treated at TEXAS Health Presbyterian Hospital?

(Remember the part about TEXAS. It’s important.)

Anyway, Mr. Duncan passed away of the Ebola virus disease, infecting two health care workers along the way: 26-year-old nurse Nina Pham and 29-year-old nurse Amber Vinson, both of whom had taken care of him at TEXAS Health Presbyterian Hospital.

So here’s the deal: if you conservatives are so terrified of Ebola, then you need to shut down TEXAS (with President Obama’s help of course).

  • Shut down all TEXAS borders, particularly those with New Mexico, Oklahoma, Arkansas and Louisiana.
  • Stop all flights to and from TEXAS and shut down all ports. Yesterday.
  • Arrest and quarantine anyone from TEXAS found outside the State.
  • Oh, and all you armed militia men and women from around the country who went to TEXAS to secure the borders – now you can secure them from the inside looking out at the rest of us. (Oh, and if you could get Cliven Bundy and his buddies down there to assist, it would be greatly appreciated. M-kay?)

I know what you are going to say. “Don’t be absurd!” right?

Then explain all the rhetoric from your leaders regarding Ebola and border security.

How about this tidbit from Rep. John Phillip “Phil” Gingrey (R-GA) who sent a letter back in July to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention claiming that  amid the “crisis at our southern border,” there are “reports of … migrants carrying deadly diseases such as … Ebola virus.”

Or how about this from North Carolina Senate Candidate Thom Tillis, via who stated:

“We have an Ebola outbreak, we have bad actors who can come across the border. We need to seal the border and secure it.”

Better yet, how about Rep. Dennis Ross (R-FL) who was one of the lawmakers to sign a letter to President Obama demanding:

“Until this disease is controlled and wiped out, the president should begin a ban on air travel to and from infected regions.”

And here’s the kicker:

TEXAS wants to secede anyway. And as a sovereign nation, they will be completely free of the burden of tolerance regarding any ideas, customs, laws, taxes, women’s rights or ethnicity that it does not “cotton to”.

And we congratulate them on the imminent creation of its perfect Utopia, in which the burden of women’s reproductive healthcare services need not exist, cumbersome gun laws need not exist and the school curriculum can be properly adjusted to instruct children that the Earth is a mere 3000 years old.

So I guess this is it TEXAS. I suspect we won’t hear from you again until the epic Ebola Virus outbreak is over – you know, the final nail in that black guy’s presidency.

Thanks for the memories and for Stevie Ray Vaughan. Our country just got a little bit smaller but a great deal safer.

Adios.

P.S. I am from Texas. Just sayin’….

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Samuel Warde

Samuel is a writer, social activist, and all-around troublemaker.
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