Man vs. Baby: One New Dad’s Hilarious Take On Fatherhood

If you haven’t seen the “Man vs Baby” Facebook page, you’re missing out.

Every now and then you stumble across a Facebook page or blog that makes you laugh your ass off and cheer with glee. Man vs Baby is one of those pages.

Matt Coyne provides his unique and amusing perspective on being a new dad – the good, the bad and the ugly. His hilarious take on fatherhood is so popular, his posts have been shared tens of thousands of times; they’ve garnered the attention of news media, vloggers, bloggers, and even celebrities such as Ashton Kutcher have shared his humorous posts.

An excerpt from his blog:

“I started to get requests for interviews from newspapers, TV and radio. Each of them asked the same question: Why did this incoherent and rambling bollocks strike a chord with parents, parents-to-be and the long-haired one from “Dude, Where’s My Car?”.

I didn’t know.

So I sat and I thought. Then, I started to read through the online comments. The answer was there and it was clear. There was a reason why this particular message echoed, …why so many could find their own experience in between the aching balls and nipple confusion, and the reason was as conclusive as it was striking.

…Most new parents haven’t got the faintest f*cking clue what they’re doing.

Sure, there are the super-parents, the bland routiners, the perfect arseholes raising their cookie-cutter children using colour-coded charts and whatever the f*ck the ‘pick up – put down’ method is.”

If you visit his Facebook page (which I highly recommend), you’ll find posts like this:

“.. I fear sleep may not be on the agenda tonight. It is bedtime but.. Charlie’s just given me that look that says: “Well father, I have very much enjoyed my bath-time, ..I am more than pleased with the book you’ve just read (as you know ‘Zog’ is a personal favourite).. And I am, as ever, enjoying the £28.99 ‘Rainforest Friends’ lullaby lamp you purchased from Debenhams.. the soothing tunes are most enjoyable, and the combination of classical and jazz I’ve always found a great pacifier.

That said,.. I think it’s only fair to let you know that.. despite your admirable efforts.. should you try and place me in my cot this evening, I fully intend to melt the f*ck down like I’m being water-boarded by Iraqi police.

..I will thrash, kick, arch my back with spine-defying gymnastics.. and generally behave as though I am being lowered into an active volcano rather than my bed.

..I don’t give a shit that I’m tired.. by the time either of us get to sleep tonight the neighbours will think that you’re slaughtering livestock. So strap in dickhead.. for tonight we find out what you’re made of”.

..I’ll pop some coffee on.”

His take on breastfeeding in public is a must read:

Visit his Facebook page Man vs Baby and read his blog.

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