If you have ever been concerned about how to identify a Tea Partier, fear not.  We have a list of 50 ways to tell if people around you are TeaBaggers or even Teapublicans.  Enjoy and be sure to add your own items to the list in our comments section.

1. Their  four-year-old is a member of the NRA.
2. They think Roe vs. Wade has to do with boats.
3. They can name the entire cast of The Dukes of Hazzard, but not their  congressman.
4. Their  grandmother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.
5. Their  school colors are camouflage.
6. They spent more on their  television than on their education.
7. They think “gun control” means their  trigger finger.
8. They think the SAT is like the FBI.
9. They think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.
10. Christmas dinner was ruined because they ran out of ketchup.
11. Someone in their  family died right after saying, “Hey, guys, watch this.”
12. Their  gun safe is bigger than their  refrigerator.
13. They can field dress a deer, but can’t change a diaper.
14. There is a gun rack on their  bicycle.
15. A night on the town for them includes city jail.
16. Counting sheep makes them more aroused than sleepy.
17. During their senior year they had homeroom with their mother.
18. Fifth grade was the best four years of their life.
19. In high school they dated their current stepmother.
20. Most of their  family have appeared on COPS.
21. Santa Claus refuses to let their  kids sit in his lap.
22. The morning after their  kids’ slumber party, the dogs have fleas.
23. The National Guard had to be called out to their  last family reunion.
24. The UFO Hotline blocks their number.
25. Trick-or-treaters are afraid to come to their door.
26. When paying for beer, spare pistol shells fall out of their pocket.
27. They are turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
28. They call the operator to get the number for 911.
29. They can’t spell their  name without looking at their  belt.
30. They dated their  mother’s current boyfriend in high school.
31. They get homesick watching cops.
32. They go to the ear, nose, and throat doctor to have their finger removed.
33. They have financed a tattoo.
34. They have shot anyone for looking at them.
35. They have used the O on a stop sign to sight their new rifle.
36. They let their  fourteen-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her children.
37. They list their parole officer as a reference on job applications.
38. They made a cheat sheet for a hunter safety test.
39. They played pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey and got 4 teeth knocked out.
40. They prefer to walk the excess length off their  jeans rather than hem them.
41. They think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
42. They think Dom Perignon is a Mafia boss.
43. They think espresso means 10 items or less.
44. They think Liberation was that gay guy who played the piano.
45. They think Long John Silver is expensive underwear.
46. They use their  daughter’s wedding as an excuse to buy a new shotgun.
47. They watch cartoons long after their children get bored.
48. Their  flashlight holds more than four batteries.
49. Their  grandmother, mother, and wife all have children the same age.
50. Their  cast iron frying pan has been referred to as “Exhibit A”.

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Samuel Warde

Samuel is a writer, social activist, and all-around troublemaker.

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