A humorous look at what a Tea Party dictionary might look like…. Too bad reading is not a strength for them….
Abortion n. A deeply personal medical decision made by a woman and her legislators.
Activist n. Anyone you disagree with.
Activist judge n. A judge who attempts to protect the rights of minorities–most especially homosexuals.
Agenda n. All political objectives you oppose. Republicans have “hopes” and “dreams” – not agendas.
Alternative energy sources interj. Slang. New locations to drill for gas and oil.
Animals n. Creatures put here for the sport of hunting.
Bible-based adj. Anything in the Bible you agree with.
Born Again Christian n. Anyone who has experienced a personal spiritual awakening resulting in agreement with your ideas and values. Otherwise, see “cult“.
Bureaucrat n. A Democrat working for the government. See “public servant” for Republicans working for the government.
Capital Punishment n. Kill them all and let God sort them out.
Children n. Source of future soldiers.
China n. See “Wal-Mart“.
Civil liberties n. Unnecessary privileges that you aren’t afraid of losing unless you are a God-hating, baby-killing, elitist liberal who loves socialism.
Civil rights n. The concept of equal legal rights for all except for women, gays and poor people.
Class warfare interj. Slang. Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.
Compassionate conservatism n. Poignant concern for the very wealthy.
Cult n. Any religious organization that does not practice conservative Biblical literalism.
Domestic violence n. A mythical problem created by liberal socialists and as such it has no affect the family and does not injure women and children.
Elitists n. Persons who are educated.
Energy independence n. The wildlife relocation program.
Evolution n. A false liberal theory created that conflicts with God’s dominion over man.
Faith-Based Initiative interj. Slang. Payoff to the Christian right.
Family n. A heterosexual male head of the household married to a heterosexual female homemaker for life. See also “the war on gays“.
Free markets n. Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense.
Gay Christians n. An oxymoron.
Girly-Men n. Males who do not grope women.
God n. Senior Republican adviser.
Gravity n. A false theory not supported by the Bible. See “evolution“
Growth n. 1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich. 2. What happens to the national debt when Republicans cut taxes on the rich.
Gun control n. The index finger.
Habeas corpus n. Archaic. (Lat.) Legal term no longer in use. See “Patriot Act“.
Hollywood n. The source of great evil in the world.
Homosexual agenda, the interj. Slang. Homos exercising free speech. When Republican do the same, it is called “grassroots citizens’ movement”.
Honor n. The state of not getting caught.
Jesus n. A conservative Republican leader whom many falsely claim to have said “turn the other cheek” and “love thy neighbor”.
Laziness n. When the poor are not working.
Leisure time n. When the wealthy are not working.
Liberal n. Followers of the Anti-Christ.
Liberal bias n. The facts do not fit our narrative.
Libertarianism n. Survival of the fittest.
Media n. An organization responsible for abortion, breakdown of the traditional family unit, earthquakes, illiteracy, sexual addictions and teenage pregnancy.
Patriot Act n. The pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first.
Pro-family politician n. Any divorced congressman late on child support payments who is against gay marriage. [Being divorced 3 or more times is a plus.]
Pro-life adj. Valuing human life until birth but then not caring until the individual reaches the age limit for the draft. See also “pro-war” and “pro-death penalty“.
Pro-lifer n. A person willing to murder physicians and/or women to protect the rights of blastomeres, embryos or fetuses.
Rehabilitation n. A false belief. See also “evolution” and “gravity”.
Religion n. The preferred curriculum for schools instead of science.
Religious freedom n. The right to spread literalist biblical Christianity.
Same-sex marriage interj. Slang. An abomination to the Lord as is interfaith and interracial marriages.
Shared Sacrifice n. Lower salaries and benefits for the working class and lower taxes for the ultra-rich.
Staying the course interj. Slang. Saying and doing the same stupid thing over and over, regardless of the result.
Traditional values n. The classic beliefs that made America great such as lynching blacks, keeping women pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen in servitude for life.
Voter fraud n. A significant minority turnout at the polls.
Woman n. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive health services made by men she would never have sex with in the first place. See “homemakers” “mothers” and “wives“.
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