As an activist for women, I have encountered many trolls. It’s to be expected, and sometimes I thoroughly enjoy reading the comments from them.
What I don’t enjoy are the ‘progressive’ men who email me and tell me what they think I should be doing or what my message should be. What makes it even worse is these men do not know me. They have never met me and for some reason, they feel the need to control my behavior – because they think they know better.
Of course not every man does this, it’s only a small percentage of my FB friends and followers but it happens often enough and it merits addressing.
I’ll give you examples:
A few months ago, a man who is a friend of someone I actually know outside of personal media sent me a message and the undertone was very condescending. This man had been quite nasty to other liberals on some of my posts. He was a name-caller and when someone didn’t agree with him, he didn’t choose to debate with facts, he attacked people on a personal level. I had asked that he stop, and he did. For a while, he laid low. After some time, he wrote to me that feminism is killing me and that I obviously have father issues. He went so far as to assume and state that I hate my father based on non-existent posts he thought I made. He told me how I should change my message about feminism and that I need to stop talking about all the horrible things happening to women’s rights in America. He told me to focus on the positive, lighter news.
Imagine getting an email like this from someone you don’t know. My knee-jerk reaction is to tell him to f*ck off. And maybe I should just start doing that, but then I am the angry feminist and much easier to dismiss. Yay for that stereotype. Instead, I take time out of my busy schedule and reply. I make the effort to be calm, cool and collected and let them know I will continue to post as I see fit. To this particular man – and because he is a friend of my friend – I took the time to explain that his comments about my father are not only untrue but they were none of his business and there is NO NEED for me to explain my personal life. His reply was an angry one because I failed to take his advice.
The replies from these types are usually laced with anger and the fact they email me first and cyber slap my ass and put me in my place seems to escape them. This is misogyny wrapped up in a liberal package.
I recently received an email from a man I don’t know at all. He asked me what I think is more important, women’s rights or a thriving democracy. When I opened the mail and read the question, I felt my blood boil, I saw where this was going. I replied “Both. A thriving democracy depends on equality for all.” Well, evidently, he knows better than I do and needed to mansplain to me that I was cherry picking causes and how I needed to change my focus. So I replied and brought up Elizabeth Warren. I pointed out that she is THE ONLY politician making a real, bold effort to hold the banks accountable and that if he can’t see that, he can refrain from telling me what my message should be. His response was curt and pissy, “I will refrain. Good bye.” And then he defriended me. What a baby.
NO WOMAN has ever emailed me to tell me how I need to be. Only men. Again, NOT ALL MEN. But it’s evident that even with *some* liberal/progressive men who say they support women, there is still this need to control. The broader my audience, the more of this I see. There are some women who will allow this behavior. I am not one of them.
Part of the reason I am writing about this is to have it available for the next time. Rather than waste my time going ‘round and ‘round with a man I don’t know about my feminism and activism, I’ll send this post and that will be the end of it. He’ll either be an adult about it, or he’ll stomp his feet and make me the Bitch.
Even as I write this – right now – there is a ‘progressive’ man on my page who is telling me that I need to change and how I should change and what I should and shouldn’t post. When I told him that I have never told him how to be and that he needs to stop telling me how he thinks I should be, this is what he said “touchy today, eh? Sorry I hit a nerve!” Awwww, how very condescending of him. Do you see what he did there? He gave me unsolicited advice and when I explained I didn’t need it or agree with it, he turned it all on me. I am touchy. Bye dude.
I am not going to stop. Feminism isn’t “killing” me and no one has to worry about my schedule. It’s my business and if I have a question or want advice, I’ll ask. I don’t tell people how to live their lives. So don’t tell me, or anyone else for that matter, how we should live ours. Okay?
I focus on many issues and women’s rights is my main focus. If you don’t like it or if I bore you, great, stop following me. I haven’t asked anything of you personally. My feelings won’t be hurt if you don’t like what I have to say on my page, my blog, my platform. But if you feel the need to control what I say, I am only going to get louder.
And to the men who feel the need to control me, take your nice guy misogyny and stick it where the sun don’t shine because I am not interested. Kaythxbye.
End rant.
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